one year

It’s incredible to think that a year has gone by. I feel like I have so much to say about all of this, but, at the same time, I don’t think there are words adequate to describe all that has happened in just one short year. I guess you could say that I am speechless. A rare moment, indeed.

That picture was taken in the NICU.  Both girls were on feeding tubes, monitors and, for a few days, IVs.

Ellie, the baby towards the bottom of the picture, was born weighing in at 5 lbs 10 oz and 19 inches long.  The girls were 32 weeks 5 days along, gestationally speaking.  Neither girl needed oxygen or extra warmers, which was AWESOME.  Ellie did need some time working on her tan:

Ellie working on her tan.

I wrote some additional thoughts on pregnancy, labor and delivery of our girls a few months ago.  Today, as I was flipping through the photos from the day the girls were born, I was drawn to the first photo of me holding Ellie in the NICU.

Ellie and Mama

I remember that moment so vividly, through lots of tears.  It was almost as though this sweet little girl was saying, “Hey, Mom, I know this whole thing is kind of scary, but I promise I will try my hardest to be OK.”

Oh, and she and her sister are more than just OK – they are thriving!  This week we took Ellie and Carrie in for their 12 month check up.  Both girls weighed 22 1/2 lbs and were 29 1/2 inches long.  Not bad for babies who made their appearance into this world almost two months early!

Miss Ellie enjoying her first cupcake.

Ellie is clapping, making conversational sounds, cruising and generally getting into everyone’s business.  She just as the sweetest little soul – always looking for a snuggle or a cuddle.  Ellie also has a marvelous attention to detail, examining my necklaces, glasses and other accessories whenever she climbs up onto my lap.

Carrie was not pleased to be disturbed from her warm abode just one year ago:

Carrie making her entrance

Carrie and Dad, moments after her arrival

Carrie weighed 5 lbs 6 oz and was 18 1/2 inches long. Since making her way into this world, Carrie has been a woman on a mission.  She has been walking for the past two weeks – increasing her distances and her targets. She can spot a cell phone, remote control or other forbidden object within 2 seconds.

Nom nom nom

Carrie sings. Sometimes, when she is playing or looking out the window in the car, I hear this melodic tiny voice, and it is Carrie just making up a song.  When I “sing” with her, she grins.  It is so sweet!

The girls have been playing with each other more and more.  In the morning, they will sit in their cribs chattering away with one another, waiting for Frank or I to get them out of their cribs.  When they play in the family room, they occasionally succumb to the most adorable fits of laughter.  Well, I thought it was adorable until I considered that they might be using twin language to plot against us.  Hrm.

It’s hard to believe a year has come and gone.  It occurs to me often that these sweet little ones are only ours for a little while, and then they will be off exploring this world and making their own lives.  But while they are tiny and sweet, Frank and I are committed to holding and cuddling these girls as much as we can.

Happy Birthday, Elliana and Carrigan!  Your dad and I love you so very much!

three things: being tall

If you know me in real life, you know that I am 6’1″ tall.  And it’s also likely that you know that my dear husband, Frank, is 6’9″ tall. For those of you on the other side of the world using the fabulous metric system, that is a LOT of centimeters/meters.  Believe me. I’m too lazy to go over to Google and figure out the exact numbers, but it’s huge.

And so, without further ado, here are three things about being tall:

thing #1: Yes, I am Tall.  

Every day, everywhere I go, someone asks me about my height.  How tall are you? Where do you find your pants?  Did you play basketball? How’s the weather up there? Are your parents tall? (feels like a thinly veiled attempt to suggest that I might be a freak show… just sayin’….)

If Frank and I go out together, it’s mass hsyteria.  We’ve watched small children walk into walls staring at us.  Entire tables of people will turn their heads – especially if we are out with another normal-sized couple because they just enhance our tallness.

We were at a bar once and a guy actually REACHED DOWN AND LIFTED UP MY PANT LEG to see if I was wearing heals.  WHO DOES THAT? Apparently that dude does it.

My lovely friend Eve said, “Well, it’s just people trying to connect - albeit ineptly…” and I can see where she’s coming from.  But, whatever happened to inane comments on the weather or the local sports team?? I can totally dish on the Blackhawks with the best of ‘em…

thing #2: Tall People Need Clothes, Too.

If I walk into one more store with a petites section, I am going to lose my brain.

Seriously. You can cut things shorter, but you can’t cut them longer. Tall people need clothes, too.  And cute clothes.  Not the stuff they sell at Tall Girl or Big & Tall Men’s stores. Legit nice clothes.  Frank went over to a Big & Tall store, hoping to find a pair of dockers that he could TRY ON and BUY, but everything in his length (37″ inseam) was in a 76″ waist. And I know – there’s a ton of stuff available online, but do you know how annoying it is to buy something, pay for shipping, wait for it to arrive, find out it’s not your size and then ship it back, waiting for the next item to come in – ugh – it could be almost a month before you get your clothes!  I would love to know what it’s like to walk into a store, find pants that are long enough and walk out with said pants.

I will say that I’ve become a better shopper and have found a few stores that have a few sizes/items that work, but it’s few and far between.

thing #3: Tall People are People, Too!

I know that I am tall and that in arranging groups of people for pictures that it is easier to put me in the back row.  And I try not to stand in front of short people in church because, man, it must be annoying to not be able to see.  But, just because I’m tall, doesn’t mean that I don’t have feelings too! Standing next to me and saying, “Wow, I feel short!” or trying to subtly walk next to me so that your friends can determine how much taller I am than you or asking me to get something from the top shelf at the supermarket when I am CLEARLY not an employee of said supermarket, is rude.

So, as in most life situations, the golden rule is always best: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

And hey, I say all of this as a person who has put her foot in her own mouth frequently.  I try to always respond nicely and kindly to others commenting on my height because that is the grace I would like shown to me. But, in the meantime, this is what it is like to be tall and if you find yourself walking up to a tall girl to ask her if her parents are tall (with the unsaid “or are you just a freakshow who had too many growth hormones in her milk?”), maybe you’ll think twice and complement her on her hair instead.

Thanks for reading!

eleven months. ELEVEN MONTHS.

A year ago, I was pregnant. Very, very pregnant. And I loved it! I thought I still had another 10 weeks to go. Oh, how wrong I was!

And now?

Now our girls are <THIS CLOSE> to walking. Carrie stands up on her own, not even needing anything to pull up on.  Ellie stands up by pulling up whatever she get her hands on.

The girls are deliciously perfect, even in their imperfection.  Sure, they resist having their faces washed or noses cleaned, but whatever. They are my messy little loves and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Miss Carrie & Miss Ellie watching a documentary on foreign cultures. Or Baby Einstein... What?!

At nearly 11 months, the girls are still sleeping CHAMPS. In bed by 8 at the late end, up between 7 a.m. and 8 a.m. I gotta say, it’s much easier to have twins when you can get a full night’s sleep…

Miss Ellie

All about Ellie

Miss Ellie is just a snuggling, cuddling bundle of love. When I think of her, I think of a peaceful summer morning, when all is quiet and still and the dew is just starting to evaporate under the warming sun.  She reminds me of the quiet, radiant expectation of the day to come. When she wants to be held, she crawls right over, trying to get in my lap and get her cuddles.  She is a good little eater, trying everything I give her. She is a little bit more apprehensive about strangers, but she warms up when she’s given some time to absorb the new people.  She is a FAST crawler – getting across the room with her quick, staccato crawl in no-time flat. Ellie loves to look at books, examine small tags on toys and hunt down fuzzies on the ground. No doubt her vision is excellent – she finds the smallest of fuzzies on the floor!

It also appears her red hair is here to stay for the time being.  We’ve even noticed a few curls coming in, which is fun since I’ve spent most of my life trying to add curl and volume to my hair.

Miss Carrie's signature smile/laugh!

All about Carrie

Miss Carrie is a vibrant sparkler.  She and her sister are from the same warm summer day in my mind, but Carrie is definitely the mid-afternoon.  Hot sunshine, kids playing and splashing in the water, boats racing around the lake with water skiers in tow and the sound of screen doors clapping as children dart in and out of the house.  She is a sharp little cookie – she notices things and is constantly pursuing something - my cell phone, her sister’s pacifier, the remote control, etc, etc. Carrie loves people.  I put her in the front of the stroller because I can tell how much she loves engaging everyone. She is a little more selective in what she will eat – girlfriend LOVES her carbs (um, like her mom much??) and chugs liquids like it’s going out of style (that is totally her daddy).

Carrie is finally getting some hair in and it’s coming in a medium brown, but it is mostly growing in the back… with any luck it will even out before high school!

It’s hard to not compare the girls since they are the same exact age. I find myself wondering at how different they are, even though they are twins.  Ellie has this beautiful swirling colic in the back of her head, like an angel swirled Ellie’s hair around their finger delicately.  Carrie’s colic is almost like the same angel laughed joyfully, spreading Carrie’s hair straight out from the center.

The girls play so well together, imitating each other and us. Tonight Carrie was raising her hands over her head and laughing and Ellie mirrored her.  They have also made a game out of stealing each other’s pacifiers, wrestling one another to the ground to get the pacifier, even if they each already have a pacifier to begin with.

One month left of their first year.  It’s incredible to think of what a journey this has been. I wish there was a way to save these moments permanently.  I am sure I will come back to these days often in my memories.

stages of Weight Watchers

I was talking to my friend Ginger*, my on-again-off-again Weight Watchers (WW) buddy.  I have noticed a pattern emerging from our many trists with the evil dub-dub.

1. Grief. Right before you log on to WW.com to sign up AGAIN, I think “Did I have my last hot dog FOREVER? How about one more large cheesy beef with extra cheese, hold the veggies of any kind except for french fries (which is totally a vegetable) with extra cheese – make that orange cheese?” It is anguish and sadness that comes and goes when you least expect it.

2. Anger. Ginger is currently dealing with anger.

“Wait, how many points do you get?” she asked me on the phone tonight. “THAT IS TWELVE MORE THAN I GET!”

I could hear the rage pouring through the phone.

“Well, yay for me, Ginge, I’m fatter than you.  Woot!” I tell her enthusiastically, hoping to distract her.

“And I have to budget for JACK DANIELS!” she wails. “Do you know I ate a Smart Ones Cheeseburger snack burger FOR DINNER tonight?? It was four points.”

“Wait, four points?” I ask, concerned. “I counted it as five points today when I had it for a snack.”

I hear rustling in the background. “Wait. You’re right. Five. Hold on – that was your SNACK? I don’t even get a snack!” she continues hysterically. Then I hear gulping. I assume it is the aforementioned Jack Daniels.

3. Delusion. About partway into day three, I start telling myself that I really am not THAT bad off. Who cares if I have to use a rubberband to close my pants and I’m not even pregnant?? Whatevs. I can live like this.

4. Horror. This usually immediately follows delusion when I see a picture of myself now or step on the scale. Horror also has a lovely subcategory of shame-spiraling: I will never leave the house again! WHAAA!!!

5. Acceptance. This usually happens on a day when I’ve been distracted by reality TV long enough to forget to eat an entire chocolate cake.  And I think, “Wow, how do I have so many points left for dinner?  This is amazing and WW is an awesome program!”

The important thing when it comes to successfully participating in WW is to try to live in stage #5, until you can get your dear friend Ginger on the phone so together you can experience #1-4.

Otherwise, I usually just eat a chocolate cake and pour dark hershey’s syrup directly into my mouth.

And yet, I’m not really sure why my pants stopped fitting. Curious.

*name has been changed to protect the somewhat innocent…

… Also, Ginger would like you all to know she’s moved on to Vodka…

how’s it goin’?

Welp, I’m holding fast to my New Year’s Resolutions – sticking to the old Weight Watchers routine and working out. I was hoping everyone else at the gym would have less resolve, but apparently they are all just as resolved as I am.  Which means I have to park in overflow.

Which really, is probably for the best, right?  I mean, I’m going to the gym to WORK OUT, right?? It always cracks me up to watch people fight over parking spots to be closest to the gym door. (which I can understand if you have children/babies/etc to carry into the gym…)

So following Weight Watchers and doing the Couch-to-5K program is going alright, but I am finding it somewhat difficult to adhere when trying to juggle working full time, two babies, Frank and sleeping. Eating well requires planning and thought. Mindlessly popping food into my mouth is not going to shed the pounds.  And getting to the gym, even for a simple 30 minute work out, requires a ton of planning, too. Who has the kids? When will I eat? Do I need to go somewhere afterwards that requires me not to be a sweaty mess?? Ugh.

We use Cozi.com for all of our calendaring and tasks and shopping and meal planning needs.  It’s pretty awesome.  And they have an app – because – really – who doesn’t? It has been really helpful in getting us on the same page and it has been helpful in planning out our weekly meals.  But wowzahs. It takes a lot of coordination to keep this ship a-sailin’.

So there’s all of that.

I’ve also (foolishly?) agreed to run a 5K in May with my amazing friend Jamie because if she is going to go run a 5K and she has two kids, then by-golly, I am going to get on that bandwagon.  Plus, she’s responsible for inspiring me to do the Couch-to-5K program.  I blame her for all of this madness.

Smooches to Jamie!

And if that is not enough, Frank is probably going to run it while pushing the babies in the jogging stroller.  He’ll still probably beat me across the finish line because he’s a mad crazy runner, but whatevs.

The point is, I really have to do this Couch-to-5K thing every week because man-alive, I am totally not ready for the run if I have to do the run tomorrow. I could probably sign in for the race, get to the starting line and then dry heave from panic.  Too much info?

Yeah, probably.

Onward!

happy new year!

So, here we are in 2012. Frank is already disappointed because he believes he was promised flying cars by now. He has been drowning his grief in ham, cheese and a variety of pastries we absconded with from his mother’s house.

Since I keep track of pretty much all of the highs and lows on this blog, I don’t feel like it is necessary to rehash the entire year.  I mean, you can probably guess that the beh-behs were the highs... and accounted for a few lows, too. (like, the barfies, the no-sleepies and the poopies)  But hey, I’m gonna go ahead and say that we finished 2011 with way more checks in the “awesome year” column than in the “holy crap, what happened???” column.

Now that 2011 is in the rear view mirror and 2012 is the date I will be reminding myself to write on all of my documents from here on out, I think it’s always positive to kick off the new year looking forward.

In the vein of a fresh start, I am back on the running bandwagon (Couch to 5K, baby!) and am starting the weight loss circuit.  After stalling out just over 12 pounds into it during the middle of last year, I’m ready for a do-over. And of course, proceeds from this round will still go to ending human trafficking.

So, there’s that.

Because I enjoy being cliche and having New Year’s Resolutions and all that, especially resolutions relating to weight loss and working out, I will undoubtedly need to post every stinking day about my resolutions and what I am doing to acheive them.

Until I stop achieving them.

And then, if my previous behavior is any indication, I will hide out and post cute pictures of my beh-behs. You know, to distract you from burning questions like, “So, Em, how’s the weight loss?” or “Hey, did you run today?”

My beh-behs have a hard time with flashes:

Carrie trying so hard to keep her eyes open...

Ellie. She hates me for taking her picture with the flash on.

Seriously, Mom? TURN OFF THE FLASH!

WHY???

So yeah, weight loss and working out.

But I think if I work on those two things, that will just continue to improve the quality of life for my family and for me.

Aunt S didn’t realize that she was helping us get in the mood for a healthier new year when she sent us coordinated pink Puma track suits.

We're ready to go jogging!!

Now, if only I could find these in adult extra long.

Happy New Year, world.

 

ten months? really??

Nothing makes time fly faster than two very mobile little girls.

Carrie has been crawling for a while now.  She’s added pulling up and climbing to her tactics that allow her to get into trouble.  Just yesterday, Frank and I left the girls in their bedroom while we got ready for church.  We heard a thud and went to check on the girls, only to find Miss Carrie in an unusual position:

Ellie was a little bit later in learning how to crawl, but once she had the proper motivation, she can bust a move with the best of ‘em! Ellie hasn’t started pulling up on much, but we are pretty sure that milestone is not too far away.

The girls have a ton of teeth in varying stages of protrusion.  Both have at least four teeth with a few more on the way.  They have been teething champs – requiring no ora-gel and muscling through teething like it was no big thang.

Carrie continues to be a vibrant, electric soul.  We love the bright smile she is so quick to flash at everyone. And she has this awesome laugh that just warms my heart. Every morning, when we walk into her room, she is standing in her crib, GRINNING at us. There is, in my opinion, nothing better than that.

Ellie is our peaceful soul.  She loves to snuggle and study books, pictures and anything with intricate detail.  She has two plush, rosie cheeks that are like little apples – just perfect for smooching! She was the first twin to really lock down feeding herself – her fine motor skills are excellent.

Miss Ellie enjoying bath time.

Watching the girls interact is one of the best parts of having twins.  They started laughing at each other and playing together more over the past month.  The other day, Frank’s mom was watching the girls play.  Both girls had pacifiers and were sitting facing each other.  Carrie casually reached over and plucked Ellie’s pacifier out of her mouth, spit out her own pacifier and started enjoying the stolen pacifier. Without blinking, Ellie picked up the discarded pacifier until Carrie noticed and the cycle repeated itself several times. Carrie was remorseless and Ellie was unruffled throughout the entire exchange. The perk of having twins is that they have never had the benefit of an existence without a sibling, so their tolerance for such antics seems to be much higher.

The nice thing about this stage of their lives is that they are eating pretty much anything we eat. This proved to be quite helpful this weekend when Frank and I spontaneously went out for brunch after church.  The girls enjoyed watermelon, blueberry muffins, mac & cheese and a few other items with gusto.  They were perfect little angels, delighting the staff with their sweet selves.  Let’s hope their dining prowess continues and they don’t start doing the screaming thing they do at home. That screaming thing is pretty annoying.